SHE WANTS TO SAY SORRY

            Well, all i could think of is she just wants to say sorry. that means she finally realized her mistake, after all that time she finally knew it wasn't right. yeah it took her like two years to see what others saw long time ago but at least she did.
            i feel so sad for her, something is eating her soul a life, she needs a new pure beginning so she can start over and forget that horrible experience. i told her..... before you start over you clearly have some unfinished business, seal it so you can move on at last. she came up with a plan after thinking a lot ,doing lots of meditation and asking for god's guidance.
             she will simply say SORRY,  she will show remorse to those who need it, she will apologize to those who deserve one. yes it is not going to be easy but it will be enough to heal her increasing pain. she is now doing her best to reach them despite the obstacles others put in her way, they simply are blinded with there own perspective to the degree of trashing what she is trying to do or even seeing it as something with bad intentions.
            i respect her so much, i respect her bravery although she doesn't see herself this way, she is embarrassed from GOD. so i want to tell her that GOD is forgiving, GOD will appreciate your efforts so you should too. be happy and grateful that you finally woke up from your comma, be happy that you are trying to do the right thing. SEE how brave you are because it is not an easy thing for a lot of people to admit there mistakes and say sorry .... so i respect you and any sane person will do too. YOU ARE MY HERO.

PAUSING

         i didn't think it will be that hard but it turned out to be more than just HARD. i decided to pause. i can't continue like that , i have lots of doubts about loads of stuff, i am over thinking about things. i even came to the point in which i lost my perspective about what's right and what's not. so i had to PAUSE.
          NOW i have to activate my plan B which i clearly don't know anything about!!!. i am a believer ... i believe everything happens for a reason ... i believe i will survive this as long as i have faith. so after that being said i still feel like crap although i know i did the right thing
          THE RIGHT THING!!!?? not so sure about that . i just did a thing .. i feel it is what i wanted to do long time ago so yes i will support my call and accept the outcome whatever it was.
         SO about my plan B one thing for sure it will be nothing like my plan A . don't laugh ...  it is a start , sometimes all you need to achieve a big success is a START. i will reorganize my priorities, i will explore my options , work on my weaknesses and i will make good use of my strengthens. i will try not to redo any mistakes and believe more in what i can do. i am an optimistic sunshine ...a force to be reckoned with ... a success. SO if pausing means moving on to what's better then i will happily PAUSE.

  

happens to all of us 2

   ok, bare with me here
what is it with mean people? don't they know the truth about themselves? they are filled with hatred and grudge towards anyone's success. i hate having to be around them, they radiate negativity and bad energy, they are ruining my beautiful, pure aura. I HATE THEM
   imagine having to actually work with one of those people ........... and to be honest they are everywhere. you can quit your job just to save your soul and that means ...... SHIT YOU LET THEM WIN. or you can man up a little bit and know that you are already a winner as long as they are trying to destroy you ....... COZ NO ONE GOES AFTER LOSERS. 
      those losers act like your B.F.F but they are really wish you were dead. you know ... they know.. and they will never stop. it is like oxygen to them ....... stealing your success, your work that what feeds there pathetic souls. don't feel sorry for them ... just fight back with grace. it is not easy but it defines you as tough and unbreakable as you already are.
       and believe me people know whose good and whose not .... GOD knows ....... just think of it as a test that god gave you to strengthen you and make you be always with him. it is a privilege that lots of people would kill to have ....so i like to think of it as bless from GOD and that's sure ... enough to define who i am and what i am capable of doing ........ so losers heads up ... there is a new sheriff in town.

HAPPENS TO ALL OF US

      have you ever thought about killing somebody just to erase him / her from your life for good?
actually, i did several times because life is full of nasty, horrible, ungrateful people that will never appreciate what you are trying to do for them or simply won't leave you alone. seriously sometimes i just want to scream out loud and say " bitch back off ... just mind you freakn business and leave me alone" it is not that hard if you tried!
     well, i won't praise myself and say good things, i screw up a lot. i even make some people's life like a living hell but i finally realize what i do and  BACK OFF. it is easy if we just have some social intelligence and a bit of human feelings, everything will turn out to be just fine.
       yet some people are naturally mean, ugly , evil and all kind of shitty words  if i go on, what am i suppose to do or feel?? scream, fight , keep it to myself ....   i know that  indescribable, undesirable people will always make an appearance in your life, they could be neighbors , co workers , collages even sells people , you manager or supervisor and so on.
       the problem is now i have no clue what to do about that, those people are like a disease that smells bad. i hate to admit it but it seems like killing is what fits this category of people, yet it can't happen because no sane person would but himself / herself behind bars just for that trivial reason ....  THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. 
          so i will immune myself by the help of GOD, i depend on GOD. so no matter how those people upset me or try to take my place or destroy me ... i will stand up for them .... i will erase them from my life ...... i will destroy THEM just by believing in god ...... believing he is there for me .... believing that i am a winner and they are pathetic losers who win only by destroying others. after every ordeal i will rise again stronger ... better ... tougher.... i will keep up the good attitude until you whiny tiny losers stop and give up hurting others ........ or you could just get prepared for my big strike which will be painful and  UNFORGETTABLE.

believe

The dark devil inside

Takes your soul to a breathless ride

During the scary night

It starts its black magic … the creeping inside

The good in you starts to arm up and prepare for the fight

In the land of the dead they all rise with their horrible forces

You surrender hoping to survive

Now you are trapped all alone

With nothing or no one to rely on

And just before you witness your unfortunate end

You close your eyes searching for your lost soul for a final time

In that peace you remember god

Suddenly it is all fine … it is all clear

The good in you defeated your fear

Just by believing and having faith

You reach a safe destination … you finally won the race

glosso freakn phopia

           yes i am a glossophopic, and yes i will do something about it. for those who doesn't know what is glossophobia allow me the honor of introducing it. glossophobia simply means fear of public speaking. you can act, sing, go crazy in front of the public but when it comes to speaking like presentations or speeches you will go banana .......... if you know what i mean!!
          so when you freeze at any public / group meeting or start to sweat , breathe so fast , shake sometimes i welcome you to my world. just to clarify something most people with that kind of fear are normal, happy , successful , intelligent and confident among their peers, so they are not freaks they are just GLOSSOPHOBIC.
           before, i never knew why these things happen to me  but lately i had to do some presentations as a process of learning new stuff, so i had to know what was wrong with me to save my face. it's like a chip on my shoulder that won't go away. so finally i go to know what was it and i wasn't alone.
            that phobia can be treated like any kind of phobia because if that phobia was severe it may cause you a panic attack. also you should be strong and face your fear like "go ahead and do that public speaking stuff" because only you can stop you from achieving what you want. 
          i won't lie it won't be easy you will feel the pressure the embarrassment each time, you will tell yourself "it is all in my head yet you won't know how to control your body" you may even give up.
           i won't judge because i have tried it and i know how hard it is but i always say to myself " at least you tried ... you are that strong and one day it will work out .. some day I will gain control over my body ... some day I will beat my fear". that day will come soon because i won't stop trying, believe me i can be that tough. for others who can't just get help by any mean and know that you are not alone or even weak, you are just a glossophobic person who will do something about it because you deserve to enjoy a perfect life with no fear of anything.

chasing rainbows

it has been a while since my last contribution to the writing world so tolerate me on this, for those who doesn't know me  I LOVE TO WRITE , I ADORE EXPRESSING MYSELF THROUGH WORDS .... PASSIONATE WORDS.
 so after that being said lets just talk casual , nothing serious yet has a meaning at least. recently i heard that awesome phrase  CHASING RAINBOWS which means seeking the impossible. it kind of stopped me coz do we actually seek anything impossible? or we just look at what we want in our lives as something impossible to reach ??!!!
i really have no clue , i never thought about it but i think nothing is impossible as long as we try hard and we believe that we will make it someday, you know lots of great scientists achieved what was impossible to us before like major inventions and complicated formulas. so i think when it comes to dreams i guess it will be a lot easier as long as we are not couch potato about them.
so all what we need now is to rap our heads about what is important and be patient coz as we all know Rome wasn't built in one day. i know it will take sometime or a lot of time but believe me it won't be for the birds .... you will finally get there  and succeed so good luck trying. 
P.S ..... DON'T FORGET TO ENJOY WHILE TRYING

a love story

In the time of love and every beautiful thing
You got down on one knee and proposed with an adorable ring
Declaring the beginning of our love era
In the land of charm
We sat holding hands
Watching the sun goes down in a clear sky
With sweet air messing with my hair
I remembered all our memories … when we first met
In my dreams you were always there
Wanted me to find you to make the dream come true
Now in reality you are here
I have no doubt … I have no fear
I love you and always will do
Till the end of life as we both know

warm feelings

A flower of happiness
A butterfly of hopes
A pure smile on a baby's face

Radiates charm all over the place
Unforgettable memories
Combined with passion
Longing to that sweet moments of joy
That makes your heart rise like a sun
In a warm day of fun
It is a magic potion … a spell of love
A poem of a life desperate to be lived
A fairy tale wants to come true and survive

Existence

Spinning in circles
Searching for my fate

Feeling so hallow
Trying to find a role model … an example to follow
Pushing away my sadness … my sorrow
Just living the days
Drawing a fake smile on my face
Hoping not to be noticed
coz Sometimes it is better to be left alone
Seeking your own help
Listening to your inside friend
Trying to figure out the mystery of your existence
Yet this leaves you in the middle of no where
And in that case only your faith can keep you sane
Keep you attached to the ground
So you can continue living your days
Praying to reach what's meant for you
So you can stop thinking and work on making it come true

together 4 ever

My bride to be
Reach for my hand
Send my soul free
I am your angel … I am your knight

I will love you … cherish you
I will always treat you right
My love … my darling … my sweet heart
Can't wait for our new beginning … our new start
I promise you the world
I promise you everything
My bride to be
I can't wait for a certain day
The day that will declare us as one
The day that will make me yours and make you mine
For better … for worse … forever
In sickness … In health … all the way
Till death sets us a part
I LOVE YOU

A life mission

What's stunning is so far away
I keep on searching
Hoping to reach it some day

It is my one and only race
Which I am more than glad to lonely face
Wishing for a wonderful end
As a peaceful beginning I can on depend
A beginning that will send my fears away
Calm my soul down and with me stay
So I won't be lonely again
So I could have what can heal me from any pain
It's a warm feeling
It's my safe place
It's what makes me happy
It's what puts a smile on my face
That's why I am in a secret mission for a better life
Hoping to reach it soon to happily survive

sweet punishment

I will always be crazy
And pretend to be all the time busy
When you come to me

I will act like you are someone that I can't see
When you talk
I will leave you and walk
Until you realize your mistake
I will act like we are in a break
And if by chance I had to go out with you
That’s because I have nothing else to do
Yes, I love you
But you treated me so bad
So it is time for you to feel sad
Sorry my love
But you should have known that loving me is really tough

wakeup call

He said
She is sad … she is hurt
She is lonely … she is weak

She is mine … she is mine
She is mine … she is mine
That was my wake up call
A voice inside me saying
Wake up before it is too late
Wake up from this miserable state
Wake up and accept your fate
Realize you deserve better
Even best of the best
Let him go away because he failed in your test
Remember to be a fire ring when you start to defend
And sting like a deadly snake
When it comes to protecting your sake
Make sure of winning and curving your mark
Into his unworthy life which is going to be really dark

trapped

What a big contradiction
A story categorized as non – fiction
Clearly seen in life's sad section
She is doing her best

Although she seems to need some rest
She wants to hear nice talk
Instead he leaves her alone to go for a walk
She wants a way out
She is screaming out loud
But all in vain
No one can feel her increasing pain
The door is closed
She is trapped inside
She brings a pen and starts to write
I was and still here with my passionate soul
Why did you let it go like dying leaves during fall?
In your eyes I used to sparkle … I used to shine
You faded me away
And for that there is nothing you can do or say
The door is closed
And I am trapped inside the life I choose to live with you
I have a no way out even if I did scream out loud
As I said … what a big contradiction
Despite trying … her life ended up in the sad section

painful love

Just go away
And don’t say that you will come back again and stay
Because I have had it with your lies

Enough what you did to my heart
You broke it and made it fall a part
Go……………and don’t come back again
So I can be released from your pain
I don’t want you to be part of my life anymore
Because you are not the one I am ready to die for
I hate that I fall in love with you
Because your love killed me softly

change just for you

Without any purpose
I did hurt you
I made you suffer

I made you cry
Without any purpose
You forgave me
You erased my tears
You calmed me down through all my life years
Without any purpose
I would die for you
Because you tolerated me… loved me … wanted me as me
Without any purpose
I intend to change
To be someone new
Someone true
Someone who's ready to do anything …. Just for you

a sad story

A happy face, a sad face
Stunned by what happened, couldn’t complete the race
Lost among the crowed, far away from the base

Controlled by anger and unfairness
Hoping to achieve justice
The strike was really powerful
The nice fellow became a hideous monster
Fighting for his rights
Planning to win whatever the cost was in all his fights
His innocence started to fade away
After realizing the world is not a beautiful place to in stay
Now he knows he has got power
He is in control
Yet, he still owns an unhappy soul
This is a picture to what you are going to be
If you lose faith and the patience to wait and see

love actually

He will come and take me away
To the stars where he likes to stay
He said I have so many things to say

I love you as a start
I will never break your heart
You make me love being alive
So please don’t take that away from me
Give me one chance to prove you what we together can be
Finally as an end
I want you always on me depend
And when I die
I will be happy coz I lived all my life with you
And that for me is like a dream come true
So please don’t take that away from me
Coz in any way
I will come to take you away
To the stars where I like to stay

unwanted reality

When I woke up
I was speechless with tears in my eyes
I had a dream

I saw distance between you and me
I tried to get closer to you
Yet the distance continued to grow
Suddenly I realized something
You my love are walking far away from me
I called your name in pain
Yet all my tries were in vain
You broke my heart
I screamed... why... Why
I was ready for you to die
I guess everything we had was just a big lie
I fall a part
And everything around me went on dark
When I woke up
I was speechless with tears in my eyes
Because now I can see the reality of your lies

in my mind

My knight is just a dream
My hero is just in my mind
When I look around … I see darkness

I see my lonely self by my side
So I hope for an imaginary friend... hero... knight
That comes to save me and put my life into light
So I could close my eyes bravely with no fear from any fight
Because you are in my mind
I will pray for you to come to my life and be true
Till that time you will be in my heart … in my soul
Helping me to survive and stay alive
Giving me power … giving me strengthen
Giving me hope that tomorrow will surely be better than all the yesterdays.

me

I want to be something else
May be a writer … a mortal combat fighter
Or even a bus driver

I want to fly high with my dreams
Manage my life … destroy all my fears
Go out and have fun with my peers
I want to learn how to ride a horse
Take an motivating course
Get to know all the nature force
I want people to stop evaluating and judging my life work
Stop looking at me as if I am such a big dork
Expecting me to fail and fall apart
So they can interfere in my world with their own start
I want people to give me my space
So I can continue my race
And prove I am such a great force
No one can ever face

lovely pain

I feel bad when you go away
Yet … I feel worse when you visit and decide to stay
Because when you are here all I could think of is a certain day
The day you are going to leave me again

And cause me so much pain
I wish there was a solution to this case
Instead of that situation I am forced to face
It is killing me …. To see my heart falling apart
But I am helpless
And all I can do is hoping you come back again
To cause me that lovely pain

mistake

I couldn’t believe me

I couldn’t believe my eye

That what I have been afraid of… happened

I died… with a severe cry

Not mine but my lover's cry

Stop … please don’t do that

Don’t feel like that

I can see you

I can hear you

I can feel you

You are sad

You are in great pain

Your heart is falling a part

I can feel it yet you can't see me

You can't feel me

You can't hear my voice

Calling and calling for you

I am sad for   you… for myself

I loved you but you didn't know

It is my fault that I hesitated

I was mistaken

I was wrong

Now you will suffer and I won't

So I admit it

It was my fault.

stop!!!!!

well, i have to fight that horrible feeling FEAR, it is killing me , it makes me stop doing what i want to do , so whenever i have something new in my life i get cold feet about it .. i hesitate and that really sucks.
it comes naturally from inside my stomach " butterflies" , i also start to breath heavily like my heart will stop in any minute and it keeps on going until i may stop thinking about that new i dea i had in my mind just to feel relieved.
wrong ... big mistake how am i supposed to learn anything when i let fear control my decisions?
i know i am stronger than that ... i CAN do better ... i know sometimes i have nothing to lose so why do i chicken out?... why .. why .. why .. why ?
SO  as long as there is no answer to that question ... then i think i have no reason to
                                    DON'T YOU AGREE?!!

contradiction

hello to anything new in my life, i wanna learn how to welcome what's new and embrace it. yet i face a huge massive problem ... what my heart tells me & what my mind wants me to do. i try all the time to shorten the distance between both but it gives me hard time till i achieve my goal.
like when i am about to have a new job and leave my old one i find a really strange conversation goes on and on until i get to safety. my mind says way to go girl seize any opportunity that may give you great experience .. meet new people .. enrich your vision in life THEN i find my cute lovely emotion heart says : are you out of your mind? you are going to leave your old job!!!! that you take to and love .. you will leave the people that already knows you just fine .. focus .focus
WHAT a BIG contradiction!!!!
so imagine my bewilderment and confusion, i try my best to put both on the same route in order not to get lost . i need my mind to keep me grounded and sane also i need my heart to feed me with feelings and emotions that i need. so mainly i keep on thinking and asking for help specially from ALLAH because that's my only way to reach safety and do what is right.    

Race

In the dark rain I stand

Looking up towards the fogy sky

With drops of water all over my face

I close my eyes for a better vision

Hoping to feel my way till I reach a safe destination

The road towards freedom is so bumpy

I am breathing so hard feeling every single beat of my heart

Leaning against nothing but my strong will

Trying desperately to reach my safe destination

I am so tired yet I can't even stop for a break

I have to move on and keep on going

Before time runs out and I lose my chances of being at the right place

Before I give up and let myself be stuck in the emptiness of that big space