mistake

I couldn’t believe me

I couldn’t believe my eye

That what I have been afraid of… happened

I died… with a severe cry

Not mine but my lover's cry

Stop … please don’t do that

Don’t feel like that

I can see you

I can hear you

I can feel you

You are sad

You are in great pain

Your heart is falling a part

I can feel it yet you can't see me

You can't feel me

You can't hear my voice

Calling and calling for you

I am sad for   you… for myself

I loved you but you didn't know

It is my fault that I hesitated

I was mistaken

I was wrong

Now you will suffer and I won't

So I admit it

It was my fault.

stop!!!!!

well, i have to fight that horrible feeling FEAR, it is killing me , it makes me stop doing what i want to do , so whenever i have something new in my life i get cold feet about it .. i hesitate and that really sucks.
it comes naturally from inside my stomach " butterflies" , i also start to breath heavily like my heart will stop in any minute and it keeps on going until i may stop thinking about that new i dea i had in my mind just to feel relieved.
wrong ... big mistake how am i supposed to learn anything when i let fear control my decisions?
i know i am stronger than that ... i CAN do better ... i know sometimes i have nothing to lose so why do i chicken out?... why .. why .. why .. why ?
SO  as long as there is no answer to that question ... then i think i have no reason to
                                    DON'T YOU AGREE?!!

contradiction

hello to anything new in my life, i wanna learn how to welcome what's new and embrace it. yet i face a huge massive problem ... what my heart tells me & what my mind wants me to do. i try all the time to shorten the distance between both but it gives me hard time till i achieve my goal.
like when i am about to have a new job and leave my old one i find a really strange conversation goes on and on until i get to safety. my mind says way to go girl seize any opportunity that may give you great experience .. meet new people .. enrich your vision in life THEN i find my cute lovely emotion heart says : are you out of your mind? you are going to leave your old job!!!! that you take to and love .. you will leave the people that already knows you just fine .. focus .focus
WHAT a BIG contradiction!!!!
so imagine my bewilderment and confusion, i try my best to put both on the same route in order not to get lost . i need my mind to keep me grounded and sane also i need my heart to feed me with feelings and emotions that i need. so mainly i keep on thinking and asking for help specially from ALLAH because that's my only way to reach safety and do what is right.    

Race

In the dark rain I stand

Looking up towards the fogy sky

With drops of water all over my face

I close my eyes for a better vision

Hoping to feel my way till I reach a safe destination

The road towards freedom is so bumpy

I am breathing so hard feeling every single beat of my heart

Leaning against nothing but my strong will

Trying desperately to reach my safe destination

I am so tired yet I can't even stop for a break

I have to move on and keep on going

Before time runs out and I lose my chances of being at the right place

Before I give up and let myself be stuck in the emptiness of that big space

    

A fault .......... poetry

It is a why question

Comes and goes in my mind

Trying to find the right direction

It is a horrible feeling consumes my soul

I hate what I should love

That makes me go crazy

That makes me act tough

Not my fault I say out loud

I do my best till you screw up again

So you fail every time in healing our pain

I say out loud it is not my fault

Yet I remain the ugly monster in the eyes of a crowed

It is done … it is over … you are not going to change

A frustrating fact … a hideous truth

Forced to live with it ... as worse as it gets

hesitation

hesitation is ugly .... super bad  ... weather you take it or leave it you know. you over think lots of stuff and that is not healthy for ur brain ... you need to cut to the chase and decide. it is hard yet you have to do it or you will be going in endless circles that will kill you for sure.
i do that all the time not deciding but hesitating alllllll the time, my sister used to tell me you have to stop doing that coz it will get you no where , what will help is manning up and live with the consensuses of whatever you decide.
i miss my sister so much, although we had our differences , she was helpful sometimes responsible and lots of other good things.
the point is if i want to move forward i need to stop that hole hesitation thing as long as i study what is in front of me and ready to live with  whatever comes in the way as a result of my decision    

Sad soul

Living with a sad soul is like having a very bad wound that hurts so much yet you can't heal it … you just have to live with it. In your own world you try to survive and over come all the misery you are seeing by drawing a fake smile on your face. You live a life with no purpose but to die.
When people start to ask the common question - what is wrong? -  You say the expected answer " I am just tired … didn't sleep well yesterday … or you say I just want to be left alone" you say that and hope to skip a very long conversation if it started, it will never end because you are carrying too much already.
A broken heart, family issues or losing track and so many things can cause you the disease of a sad soul. And to be honest no cure has been found to it yet. So you decide to stay a lone away from people … away from the world and here I congratulate you on giving yourself faze one of depression .
If you let yourself be dragged to that place of darkness and anger, you will lose more than what you have already lost, you will send those who loves you away and finally you will became someone else … someone you don't recognize … someone you despise.
After that being said you need to think hard about your life. You need to find your own ray of hope. You must search for what makes you happy because a happy soul leads to positive healthy life and peace of mind. If by chance you didn't find it … create it … imagine it … just to stand up again and stop feeling that horrible pain.  Remind yourself when things go wrong in life, there will always be a ray of hope to follow and count on.